Welcome to the Gundam Wing Hand Puppet Theatre!

Episode Four - The Exploding Compact of Death
Written by: Sher
Part of: White Reflection
Idea credited to: Jerry the Frog Productions



 
Minister Dorlian:
War is breaking out. I should probably do something about this.
 
 
Relena:
You mean we can't just sit around the mansion and dream about 15-year-old rebels?
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
Time to hit the asteroid belt and go back to space.
 
 
Relena:
But I just got over the jet lag from the last trip!
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
I'm training you up to take my job one day.
 
 
Relena:
I don't want your job. I want Heero.
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
Just get on the damn shuttle.
 
 
Relena:
What, we can't even ride first class? This sucks; I wanted champagne!
 
 
Relena:
Oh look, it's a snotty OZ soldier.
 
 
Lady Une:
Oh look; it's the man I'm supposed to kill. I wonder if I can kill the little brat, too?
 
 
Relena:
Fine then, be a bitch, see if I care.
 
 
Compact:
*SHINY*
 
 
Relena:
Oh, a pretty shiny make-up compact! Just what I need. My face was a bit oily. I must look pretty for HEERO.
 
 
Lady Une:
Hello Vice Minister, I intend to murder you. Have a nice day.
 
 
Dorlian:
Eat dirt, OZ pig!
 
 
Lady Une:
Just you wait, swine!
 
 
Relena:
*sweatdrop* Everyone hates each other...
 


*******************************************


 
Dorlian:
I hope this is a Ritz Carlton we're staying at.
 
 
Dorlian:
Relena, go out and play. Daddy has to talk business with these nice colonists.
 
 
Relena:
So much for learning the trade.
 
 
Relena:
I'll just walk down corridors and dream about Heero.
 
 
Lady Une:
My evil plan is working! *cackle*
 
 
Compact:
*GLEAM*
 
 
Relena:
OOH, shiny compact. I guess that stupid OZ woman who insulted my daddy accidently forgot it. This can't possibly be a murder weapon.
 
 
Relena:
Oh Ugly OZ Womannnnnnn!!! You forgot your beauty kit!
 
 
Lady Une:
*gasp* NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
 
 
Relena:
Yea, if I had your face and looked in a mirror, I'd scream too.
 
 
Lady Une:
YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! *throws compact into the meeting room*
 
 
Compact:
*explodes*
 
 
Relena:
*gasp horror terror*
 
 
Relena:
OMGWTF YOU KILLED MY FATHER
 
 
Relena:
DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
*gurgle*
 
 
Relena:
OMGOMG
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
Oh yea, before I die I have something really really really important to tell you.
 
 
Relena:
The compact was evil?!
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
...uh, no.
 
 
Relena:
I can marry Heero with your blessing?
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
FOCUS, damn it.
 
 
Relena:
...
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
I'm not your father.
 
 
Relena:
*blinky*
 
 
Relena:
Uh, wanna run that one by me one more time there?
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
Are you daft? I'm not your father! I adopted you. No one as silly as you could spring from my loins.
 
 
Relena:
...
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
You're a Peacecraft - you know, old family, lots of wealth, pacifist…I was the crazy idiot who adopted you after they were killed by a secret evil organization.
 
 
Relena:
I'm ROYALTY?
 
 
Minister Dorlian:
*dies*
 
 
Relena:
ACK, this was very sudden and traumatizing! I can't handle this much information at once! DEATH, COMPACT, ROYALTY, SECRETS, ACK!
 


*******************************************


 
Dr. J:
Hi, I'm your friendly neighborhood psycho.
 
 
Relena:
My day keeps getting weirder.
 
 
Dr. J:
You don't know the half of it.
 
 
Relena:
So who are you again?
 
 
Dr. J:
You're going back to Earth, Missy.
 
 
Relena:
What if I don't wanna go, huh?
 
 
Dr. J:
I'll claw your face off.
 
 
Relena:
Hey, you're scary. So is Heero. You wouldn't be, you know, related?
 
 
Dr. J:
What a co-winky-dink. We are! But you should seriously stay away from him.
 
 
Relena:
I want him to kill me!
 
 
Dr. J:
You ARE weird. But Heero can't do that. He's a kind-hearted boy.
 
 
Relena:
...
 
 
Dr. J:
Oh yes, sweet, loving, adores cats, flower arranging, ballet…ask anyone!
 
 
Relena:
...
 
 
Dr. J:
BUT, he's also highly dangerous, so go home and forget him.
 
 
Relena:
…my life is taking very strange turns. Way too much information, peoples.
 



Return to the humor page...
Return to the main GW page...